Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
