They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
