I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
