When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
