How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
