Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
