Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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