I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
