You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
