I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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