she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
