At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
sex in a hospital.. check
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
