i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
MIDGETS
????
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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