Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
