420 ftw
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
