i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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