is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
