can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
