Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
