I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
