I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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