Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
