he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
