honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize