it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize