you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
