There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
