I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
