hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
