Pappa wants mamma naked
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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