WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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