Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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