Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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