You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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