just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
