Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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