The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
