Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
