I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The best revenge is premature balding
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
