Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
