R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
