BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i've created a new STD.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
