he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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