I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
