suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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