You smell like a Billy Joel song
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
