It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
