The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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