Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
