I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I faked an abortion last night.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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