i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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