And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
These tits shall not be calmed
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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