hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize