Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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