one might say we're banned from that church
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
