Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
