I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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