He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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