nut hugger
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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