around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
