sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
