I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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