I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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