I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
