Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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