this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
