Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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