life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
